A Few Thoughts About Quality Of Life
Let me get right into it: we have been defined in the economic image of consumerism. Of course there are other parts of the definition; we are a generous nation, we love our freedoms, we tend to be fast moving, we have a spiritual sense, etc. But beneath it all there has been a cloning of the "gotta get money" gene into our social DNA.
Thankfully that gene isn't in our original stem cells, but if those who want to be even bigger fat cats could, they would insert it into every corn flake in every supermarket in every state, city, town, village, and hamlet in America. In fact they would want that desire to be added to the basic instincts such that everyone would have three basic instincts: survival, procreation, and "gotta get money."
And having been defined that way, we grow so accustomed to define and appraise others with the same financial yardstick that we come to think of it as the natural way of things. But I don't think that is the way it has been all along. There has, I suspect, always been throughout history an awareness of how well one person is doing vis a vis their neighbors. That is understandable since we are hardwired to live and travel in packs. If their pack is doing better than our pack, then we want what they have, etc. It's a survival thing.
In the really old days those comparisons might mean do they have more food than we do, and are their hunting grounds better than ours? Have they been able to stay warm during the winter months? Do they have a means to keep their fires going?
Nowadays the comparisons are much more superficial. We don't need twenty questions to assess how others are doing. I was going to say we don't need twenty questions to assess how we are doing...but I'm thinking that we really have to do our financial self-assement in comparison to the "well-being" of others. More on that later, but for now, because the self worth part is determined on getting more and then that is coupled at some mythic time in the future when we will have enough and then we can live the really good life and never have to worry any more about having enough of - you got it - moola.
Let's see, what are the basic dozen questions we need answered to see how we are doing in comparison to others? Some are resolved in "conversation" and others are driven by visuals.
Where do you live?
What do you do for a living?
How far do you travel?
How do you travel?
What clothes do your wear?
Who is your mate (and all of the same questions about the mate)?
Where have you gone for vacations?
How successful do you appear?
How well do you express yourself?
Do you seem confident?
How good do your teeth appear?
Hmmm, I don't know that we will need the dozenth question, or even the baker's dozen question.
For right now, I'll stop. Perhaps you could add a few more. And I'll expand on this later, I promise, because to stop there is to just put us into a nasty despondency based on shallowness. And expand we must; expecially in these troubled financial waters we are observing.
Later.
10 comments:
If I'm reading this correctly, you sound frustrated. Have you been watching too much of the news lately?
I think many of us struggle with balancing the ability to appreciate life in the present, but also trying to make sure we'll be ok in the future.
I've seen way too many people stick there head in the sand when it comes to long-term financial planning. Most people don't want to think about it, but we need money to operate in this society or we become at the mercy of others.
I think it is a very small group of people that act as financial sharks out to make a big buck. There aren't more of them out there, it's just getting more publicized. Like murder reports.
I remember in my media class how they talked about the number of murders had been going down, but the number of news reports about it had gone up, the fear factor.
I believe in writing down my goals and trying to keep an open mind about how I might be able to achieve them. I'm come a long way in my personal growth by doing this, even though it took nine years 25,000(est) to get my B.A., I got it and I knew it would never make me rich.
-P
Tim, You titled your post “A Few Thoughts About Quality of Life” and tagged it with “community, life style and quality of life”. I take it that you’re not concerned about wealth but the affects on people due to a perceived need for more wealth as created by corporate marketing. In my opinion, you’ve identified a root or major contributing cause to most of our serious challenges – global warming, declining happiness, breakdown of community, destruction of natural environments, increase in divorce rates, the disenfranchised resorting to terror and others
Have you ever seen the PBS film “Affluenza”? I think you’d find it interesting. I believe it was this film that contained a clip of a corporate marketing conference held at Disney in which the speaker said that to market to young teenage boys it was best to appeal to aggression and violence. Children are prime targets for marketing. The gene for consumerism may not exist but a perceived need is being intentional created by wealthy corporations void of ethics.
Proxima: Not frustrated; I know this is the way of the world as we know it. We have a way of life which is so artificially pumped up. And the appearance of the pumped up state is the desired goal which we are conditioned to want.
We see it as very desirable. And at the same time we are terrified as an individual in this society to be seen as not "making it" in the financial sense, and with the financial trappings.
I see this as ultimately disempowering people - and making them weaker. But I am not against having "enough" money. In fact it is essential and without it, except perhaps for the rare (?) individual (probably single also) not realistically desirable. The rub is in knowing when enough is enough. And that is where all the marketing and the full thrust of the get more, work more, provide more for the unexpected, etc., cycle keeps hooking us in.
But there is another part for me. As a therapist I have seen how sudden decreases in available money and net worth can wreck havoc with marriages. When the "dot com, dot go" partial collapse happened several years ago, I saw a dramatic increase in intense marital issues. There may have been other things going on, but I kept coming back to the thought that it was being pushed by increased feelings of insecurity and also decreased sense of self esteem (worth) which was one of the major driving forces in play.
Interestingly the people did not bring in issues of financial stress as the presenting problems. It was more like the financial environment "shook loose" whatever was the hidden fracture point in the marriage.
I am of the belief that we are headed for a financial correction of very significant proportions. And perhaps that is why I wrote this piece. It was my attempt to get those who are receptive to re-evaluate the inherent lack of value (after a certain point) of chasing the bucks and being crystal clear that we must define/perceive ourselves as other than a certain dollar sign value.
It's more than an idealistic plea. If I am correct about the coming correction, then it will be the difference between being able to function and stunned paralysis.
Paul: Thanks for stopping by and leaving a very thoughtful comment.
I am interested in the experience of wealth. But I do not equate "being monied" as "being wealthy." Unfortunately that distinction is too frequently lost by most.
Wealth to me involves money for most, but the real contributants are health, healthy attitude, relationships, a job you enjoy, an absence of (most) worry, a sense of appreciation, etc.
Having said that I agree wholeheartedly with everything else you said in your first paragraph. I would also add a further thought that I have been mulling over, namely that the pursuit of moneydness and for the pleasures which that purports to make available, is ultimately a very sick game which has been purpertrated on the modern world.
Sick because it doesn't relieve suffering but actually perpetuates it, even more. It makes things more comfortable, however, and that seems to be what everyone identifies with. But I am thinking that even that comfort weakens us.
But the real question is who are the purpertrators? The major ones nowadays are anyone who fits into the general category of "pirate." One who would use cunning and slyness and aggression and anything else to maintain their power and to increase their moneydness regardless of what it does to anyone else.
I was talking with a friend the other day. She was telling me of the first rule of the Montessoris system: (Approximately): you can do anything here as long as it does not hurt or harm you or anyone else.
Pirates don't respect that rule. And they are better organized in furthering their evil, yes evil, interests.
Thank you Proxima and Paul for your comments. They have helped me to express some other things which have been percolating in me for some time now.
It takes a large measure of confidence to follow your own path when faced with the list you developed. Many do not look past the surface to the person behind the facade and complete judgement based on those things.
It is an ongoing challenge for me to keep my eye and heart on my own journey without being sucked into those distractions.
Not having a weedless lawn doesn't mean I'm an irresponsible person right?
I'll need to read through your post and the comments a few more times...
Steve Williams
Scooter in the Sticks
Hi Steve,
It's always good to hear from you.
I'm not saying that a person has to live their life such that the tokens of success are not there. I am saying, and we are in total agreement here that we have to look beyond those appearances, as comfortable, desirable and valuable they may be.
And the "peering deeper" goes, for me, not only for taking measure of the other person, but also for myself.
Concerning weedless lawns...that is the biggest stupidity in my opinion. Eventually I would like to turn my lawn into a vegetable garden. Tastefully done so as to not have it be a spite garden...as in "poke 'em in the eye with a sharp stick" (to be recited with a lilt and syncompation for full effect.)
In the meantime, this is what we do: we let the grass grow long, longer than all the lawn companies allow. We leave the grass clippings on the lawn as mulch. We add organic fertalizer once a year. I throw several handfulls of clover seeds on the lawn each year. And I leave most everything that grows there to remain...not quite everything. Oh, and we don't water it at all.
If anyone asks me about the lack of uniformity of my lawn, I reply with a smile: "I'm in favor of biodiversity."
Oh, and by the way, in spite of one of the dryest month in history here in Massachusetts (someone told that to me, but I'm not sure that's accurate) our lawn is wonderfully green.
Maybe I should have a T-shirt made: Just say NO to Scotts!
Ride safely.
Tim
I believe you are right about this coming correction. My husband and I have been planning for it and will actually find it of benefit when it comes.
When we met it was during the dotcom bust (he is a programmer) and it was very hard on a budding relationship. He worked insane hours, fell asleep in the resturant when we met for lunch one day. I had them box his lunch and let him sleep there until lunch time was over. Then one morning he went into work and it was no longer there. Six months unemployed, he expected me to leave him for an employed man, but I wouldn't let him give up.
Having come from a lower social-economic background I taught him how to survive the dry runs and he gave me faith in my own intelligence.
-P
Proxima,
If I was there I'd shake your husband's hand and give you a hug, or give him a hug and you a handshake.
I love stories of resilience against a backdrop of adversity. As they say, what doesn't kill you, strengthens you.
John Xenakis (in my blog roll) talks about how the generation that you are born into shapes your perceptions and expectations and attitudes, etc., perhaps more than any other single event in a person's history.
I was born at the tail end of the depression, they even started a war soon after I came on the scene (Pearl Harbor is actually my very first memory).
I believe that the mental toughness and also the optimism which came with those times (in this country) have shaped me enormously. It has also trained me to not take permanency for granted.
As a youngster I often fantasized about the Janpanese attacking the beach where we had a summer bungalow. Of course, the fact that we were on the East Coast didn't enter into my concerns but I didn't let that little detail deter me in my thoughts.
For me, it was both a frightful and a wonderful time. I was exposed to all sorts of stories of sadism towards our troops who were prisoners of war. We used to play all sorts of war games and would practise both ends of the spectrum: being the hero and practising falling with great drama.
I wouldn't trade it for anything. I didn't realize it at the time, and in fact not till many years later, that the groundwork for ruggedness was very helpful for me; it helped me to counterbalance my intense sensitivity, which partly and undoubtedly also came from being exposed to so much trauma.
You and you husband, through the experiences and attitudes you mentioned in your comment, are much better prepared for adversity which inevitably will come than many, perhaps most, of your generation.
Finally, I would love to hear how you think you may actually benefit from a correction, if you would like to share it - back channel naturally.
Tim
Regarding "pirates" and your emphasis on "evil interests" - I have difficulty with that angle. Of course I share the common tendency of looking at wealthy powerful people with suspicion, and assuming that they got what they have at the expense of someone else. But I have always balked at the label of evil. I do note that you applied it to the interests, not the people, and that helps. (I found Peck's book "People of the Lie" very difficult and disturbing because of his insistence that certain people are evil.) But even if I were to use your phrase "evil interests" and single out certain interests, rather than people, to blame for the afflictions of our world, I would run a great risk of assuming that the problem is all "out there" and not recognizing my own compliance and enabling role in the problem.
Laura,
Again, thanks for your input. I am mulling this whole topic over and need some more time and then I'll write more.
Tim
Post a Comment