I've Noticed A Lot Of People Spacing Out
Some interesting developments along the path of "I will rush no more." Well, three in particular.
The first is that when you go through the mental and physical aspects of withdrawal from the rushing lifestyle, you notice how easy it is to be pulled back into it. Society has it down pat how to pull you back in, often without you being aware of it till you're back smack in the middle of the old routines again. But when you get better at recognizing it, you can let it go again, over and over, till it gets easy.
The second is how you have to be attentive to not getting depressed or disconnected. All of the cues you have been accustomed to and which give you indications of being on track are being released. That will leave you somewhat adrift and that feels like depression and sadness. Remembering what your "compass bearings" are and what is of value to you will help to get you back on a track which is valuable and meaningful to you.
Working through #1 is actually fun because it feels so healthy and righteous. It carries you along with its own momentum and that helps you to come ever so much more into your present moment(s).
#2 is a definite problem and remembering why you started on this path is particularly valuable.
And the third thing I am noticing is how much and how often others seem to be "spacing out." The real revelation was, however, the other side of the equation, namely, how much I depart from the present situation.
I've known it all along but since I've been practising "go slow, mon" I notice it a lot more. In poker they talk about "the tell." It's the cue which a person gives off when they are nervous or trying to bluff you. The "tell" with spacing out is really obvious with some but with others it's more subtle.
The obvious "tell" is when someone simply looks off into space, often with eyes wide open and the gaze is fixed, and often unblinking. In that situation, if you are paying attention, you don't need to hear the "Elvis has left the building" announcement on the speaker system.
The spacing out does not have to last all that long. It can be an act of graciousness on your part to let the person "go elsewhere" for awhile. Or you could say "I was just wondering where you went just then." If you get a look of bewilderment or a startle from the person, it's a pretty good indication that they were simply not conscious at all of where they went. (There's a lot more there to talk about, but I am working on keeping my posts briefer.)
Sometimes the drifting is for the purpose of accessing information internally. It can then be brought back into the conversation to enliven it. Sometimes it serves the purpose of simply taking "a breather." Some people are so intense or work situations are so demanding that we are expected to rivet our attention all the time on the topic at hand. That's ok for short periods of time, but, frankly, is a lousy idea for sustained periods. And by that I mean not just in an individual conversation, but for what seems like years or decades. You think I'm kidding? I'm not.
But there's also the more problematic "spacing out" where the person is (like) splitting their consciousness between the situation in front of them, e.g., a conversation, and making reference to another scene in their mind. When that scene is being gazed at fixedly and if it has material in it which is disturbing, and the disturbing material is stirring up fearful responses in the body, then, well, that's a pretty good recipe for suffering.
If you're interested, look at the way in which your "spacing out" happens. Are you aware of what you are looking at in your mind? Are you aware of how it is impacting your body? Is it pleasant or unpleasant?
Remember it's not a good idea, in my opinion, to try and stop or block all of these departures. (It would be a whole other discussion to talk about how children are being constantly nudged to "pay attention.") But if you find, for example, that the content of your musings are causing you suffering, then you may want to either look at them directly to find out the messages are contained there, or, to withdraw your energy (attention) to them and come back into a more neutral present in your surroundings.
Happy voyaging.
5 comments:
It is not the "content of my musings" that cause my suffering, but the realities I would like to avoid.
-P
Proxima: You raise an interesting question. We tend to think of "spacing out" as something negative, or see it as something to something to snap out of. But there clearly times where separating from present reality may be advantageous. For example, after seeing a gruesome scene, in reality, a person may welcome the separation which can come from "going elsewhere."
The whole topic seems somewhat easy on the surface. But the reality is that it is, or may be, intertwined with the fabric of a person's whole personality. It is not as simple as it's good or bad, or desirable or undesirable.
I live in perpetual Grayscale, there is nothing soley "Good" or "Bad" by true definition.
-P
"Spacing out" or "out of body" experiences has it's usefulness...it is the "when" and the "why" that is telling. To always be "present" is exhausting...without the escape would we go insane?
K
Anonymous K: You raise an interesting question about whether we would go insane if we couldn't ever escape. Certainly if a person was overly focused on the undesirability of what they were focusing on and couldn't shut it off, that would be close to maximum distress.
Maybe I could say it a little differently, anything that is requiring too much focus will make us exhausted eventually. Micro-breaks want to happen all the time and if we force ourselves to pay attention and override them, we are "robbing Peter to pay Paul." Not wise.
I've been reading a book: The Good Life, by Helen and Scott Nearing. They describe their ideal system which was to work 4 hours per day in "bread labor," (literally putting food on the table and making enough money for the basics), 4 hours a day in conversation and intellectual or reflective pursuits, and a few hours per day in communal discussion and entertainment. Sounds good to me.
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